Filed under: bad
I have been feeling sick for the past two weeks. No, it’s not just a cold, nor a flu, it’s real, plain and painful sickness. There’s no end to it. At times like these, I begin to think of things like “Why do I have to suffer?”, “What is wrong with me?”, or even “What have I done to deserve this?” You see, this is not just a sickness. I have been wanting to vomit for two weeks now. I know, I’d feel much better if I just did it. Throw up everything. I haven’t eaten for a week, but I might have something that I can throw up. Yes, I’d feel much better if I just let everything out. But I can’t. Why?
Vomiting is one of my greatest fears. In the state that I can’t control my fears. Yes, I’d feel much better after vomiting, but when I sit there with my bucket and my sickness, my heart starts beating harder and harder and I’m about to faint. Eventually, nothing comes out from me, but my heart is still beating hard in my chest, I gasp for air and I can’t think clearly. The only thing I know is how awfully frightened I am. Yay!
Filed under: uncategorized
A girl took her life yesterday. I didn’t know her. But I still feel uneasy and unhappy, because I wished I knew her, so that I would be able to grieve for the loss of her life. The only thing that I can do now, from here, is feel sorry for her closest family and friends.
Last month I watched Let the right one in. It’s a movie based on a book of the same title by John Ajvide Lindqvist. I still haven’t got the courage to pick up the book and read it. But still, I bought it. Let the right one in is about vampires. But not only that. It is about the willingness to sacrifice lives for your beloved one.
One might think
- Life is full of choices and possibilities. Wrong. Life is full or requirements. The choices you get are the decisions you don’t want to make.
- Life is nothing. Wrong. Taking a life of a useless person would still leave at least one or two other people grieving for the deceased.
- Life is nothing beside your beloved one. Depends on who the answerer is. I can’t kill. I left a cat to die and I’m never doing it again.
- Life is gained from hard work and equal trade. Wrong. Hard work pay, but not as much as we wish for. And there is no equal trade. When life is taken, it is gone. Poff. Forever.
- Life is tough. Correct. Life is really tough. Really, really tough. Life is so tough that we can’t stand it. But life also goes on.
Hope you’ve learnt something.
Filed under: good
Finally, I managed to put my addiction to Animal Crossing to an end. It’s not that Animal Crossing was overly funny to play, it was just not fair to lose all my friends and money that I had so painfully gathered together. However, it was a painless goodbye, and although I still think of it, I’m not too bothered by the fact that I’m not going to play it anymore. I mean, it took too long time, and required daily updates. Like taking care of a guinea pig, but it was less annoying.
So I’m back to the usual life, but with a little bit more schedule planning and weekly plans than usual. I don’t get enough time to even blog, or write to my friends and family, or play the games that I want, or read the books that I enjoy, or even read manga. I work part time, study, work with leadership and the youth group, study more, travel back to my family, study a little bit more, etc. My days are just too busy, but I’m sort of enjoying it. The only thing that I’m not very happy about is that I don’t get the time to talk with my friends. Anyway…
Take care, and thank you for visiting my blog.
Filed under: good
As a continuation of I love you, I’d like to first put some images into your mind so that you may understand what I was thinking at that particular moment.
Imagine yourself entering the back of an empty tram. Even the driver is in the front vehicle – you are all alone. Suddenly, a bunch of suspicious looking guys get on, holding knives. They settle down at the very back, as they were booked, and looking at you as you face your back to them. Your mental activity starts spinning. What would your thoughts be?
Let me share mine.
I was in that situation a couple of weeks ago. I was thinking about ways to protect myself if they were to rob me. I had no money, so I couldn’t bribe them, nor had I a fancy cellphone which I could exchange my life with. So what might they do?
Shit, we’re in a pinch. She’s seen us and we ought to get rid of her, or else she’ll call the police on us.
They’d use their knife, and cut my throat, and then throw me down on the floor, dying. Then they would leave. And I’d lie there, all alone, bleeding, dying. I’d reach for the cellphone which they threw away, and I’d try to call somebody. But I know that even if I managed to call someone, I wouldn’t be able to speak, not even my last words. And I realised how much I loved this life that I have been given. Even though I’ve experienced hardships (that’s part of life, really), even though people tell me that I’m fat, or whatever people might say or do to me. No matter what you say, I’m just happy that I’m alive. I live for myself and I live for the people I love. I know who will be really sad if I died, so I better live for him until my time is up.
So I’d like to thank those suspicious looking guys who gave me this thought. Thank you!
